A HEROINE ZINE TAROT MOMENT WITH THE BARONESSA OF TEQUILA


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Heroine Zine first came across The Baronessa whilst working with Liverpool’s own Wild Writers, a DIY grassroots writing collective. Her now defunct, yet still fiercely protected tequila dynasty appeared to sponsor their fabulous Sancho Panza event at The Kazimier -


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But Heroine Zine had reason believe all wasn’t as it seems when it came to The Baronessa… After scanning the press clippings in the Sancho Panza zine, we were intrigued by the mysterious matriarch and her witchy ways - so we were thrilled to learn she would be making an extremely rare appearance in her Tequila Tarot Tent at Queen of The Track’s Halloween party on the 30th.


She agreed to telegram us (she hates face to face conversation, as well as telephone calls) a rundown of her favourite babes from the Rider-Waite tarot deck…


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1. THE EMPRESS STOP MATRIARCHAL BEAUTIFUL ABUNDANT CREATIVE STOP I NEVER HAD CHILDREN MYSELF STOP NO TEQUILA FOR NINE MONTHS STOP I DON’T THINK SO STOP


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2. THE HIGH PRIESTESS STOP SHE KNOWS THINGS NO ONE ELSE DOES STOP LIKE ME STOP SHE REPRESENTS DARK AND LIGHT STOP WEARS A CROWN OF MAIDEN MOTHER AND CRONE AND IS THE EPITOME OF FEMININE AND FORMIDABLE STOP A GODDESS TO WHOM I OWE MY HIGHER POWERS STOP


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3. QUEEN OF SWORDS STOP INTELLECTUAL AND INDEPENDENT STOP A KEEN MENTAL MIND AND INTUITIVE TOO STOP ONE OF MY TOP QUEENS STOP


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4. THE WORLD STOP AN ENDLESS CYCLE STOP TRAVELLING THROUGH THE UNIVERSE WITH NO PLANS NO WAY OF KNOWING WHAT IS TO COME STOP REPRESENTING HOPE FOR THE FUTURE REPRESENTING PROMISE AND AMBITION STOP A CARD FULL OF INTOXICATING SPIRIT JUST LIKE I AM STOP

Is it just us or is there something a bit…odd about Baronessa? We’re nervously anticipating entering her tent at the Witch Bitch party; let’s just say we’re glad we can have a shot to steady ourselves before finally coming face to face with this enigma once and for all.


Catch her at 24 Kitchen Street on 30th October where the Wild Writers have managed to set up a intimate performance which promises to be both boozy and spooky…

 

 

 

 

Heroine…..Creepy heroines

Hey Ghouls! Abi and Phoebe from Heroine Zine here! We’re thrilled to be here on Queen of the Track’s blog, as we’ve been thoroughly enjoying everything posted so far for the big Halloween Extravaganza…

If you haven’t heard from us before, we’re all about publishing and showcasing women writers and artists from Liverpool and beyond- and we especially love ourselves some fiction. So, as part of our day long Halloween blog takeover, we wanted to create the ULTIMATE list of Creepy Heroines in Fiction. We thought it would only be fitting. We’ve broken our heroines down into 3 categories - The Top Witches, Top Evil Queens and Top Anti-Heroines. So get your pointy hat, crown, or bitchy resting face on, and sit back while we get creepy.

TOP 3 CREEPY WITCHES

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The Witches from Hocus Pocus

 ABI: These witches were my childhood Halloween costume inspiration every year from the age of 8-14. I loved them, couldn’t get enough of them. When I reached my teenage years and realised Sarah Jessica Parker played Sarah Sanderson as well as Carrie Bradshaw, my life was complete. Along with the fantastic Bette Middler’s buck teeth, their pure naughtiness,  and the charming innocence of early 90’s movies; these three witches would be burning with fire and brimstone if they didn’t make our list!

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 The Grand High Witch from The Witches

 ABI: Another piece of pure 1990’s gold. Being a Roald Dahl child, Halloween wasn’t complete without a re-run of the The Witches. The Grand High Witch haunted me for nights afterward a viewing. Superbly incarnated by Angelica Houston, the sickly sweet simpering of her voice mixed with that horrific face underneath her mask was enough to send any 10 year old over the edge. Seriously, the woman can turn you into a mouse. That shit is scary.

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Bellatrix Lestrange from the Harry Potter series

 PHOEBE: In the most perfect casting choice ever, Helena Bonham Carter is Bellatrix Lestrange, the most dangerous witch of J.K Rowling’s books by far, as well as one of the only women in Voldermort’s inner-circle. Bellatrix earns her creepy heroine status for giving The Dark Lord a run for his galleons with her sickening duelling skills, having the best witchy bitch cackle of all time AND being the last Death Eater left standing at the end of the Harry Potter series. You can’t fault the girl for being the top of her game.

TOP 3 CREEPY QUEENS

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The Red Queen from Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland

ABI: Helena Bonham Carter is the true queen of my heart, there is no end to the love I have for this woman. Besides the fact she rides round London on her crappy push-bike with a floppy top hat and fingerless gloves, she is endlessly reinventing herself for films. Burton’s Alice in Wonderland is no exception. Is there anyone who hasn’t tried and failed to be the Red Queen for Halloween? The shrill voice, blue eye shadow and manic tendencies… apparently she took inspiration from her daughter; 'The Red Queen is just like a toddler, because she's got a big head and she's a tyrant'

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The Evil Queen from Disney’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

 PHOEBE: Oh my god, how Disney got away with the creepy old hag scenes of Snow White, I will never know - as a child my mum would regularly fast forward our VHS when the Evil Queen popped up. When she’s not terrifying children with her weird cape/ apple-in-hand combo, she’s an uber-glam queen chilling in a tower. She’s obsessed with being the fairest of them all, and her bessy mate is a talking mirror - teaching a lesson to kids everywhere that too much narcissism is a bit fucked up.

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 Sharon Needles from RuPaul’s Drag Race

PHOEBE: America’s Next Drag Superstar and alter-ego of Iowa born Aaron Coady, Sharon Needles is by far the Queen of Halloween Chic, and serving a lot of creepy realness. She stole our hearts on RuPaul’s Drag Race and has since released spooky singles such as ‘Call Me on the Ouija Board’ and ‘This Club is a Haunted House’. Though she’s not strictly fiction, she’s deffo a work of art and had to earn a spot on our Top 3 Creepy Queens.

 TOP 3 CREEPY ANTI-HEROINES

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 Lisbeth Salander from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Series

 ABI: Now. Let’s get this straight. We’re talking about the original Swedish films played by Noomi Rapace. This fantastic actor hits every mark with this difficult and dark character. 'The survivor of a traumatic childhood, Salander is highly introverted, asocial and has difficulty connecting with people' Rapace is the perfection of bad-ass bitch, all in black. She’s our anti-heroine because she does bad things, but for good reasons. If you’ve watched the scene with her abusive guardian Nils Bjurman, then you know what we’re talking about.

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Marla Singer from Fight Club

 PHOEBE: When I did Film Studies at Sixth Form, I had to write an essay on Marla Singer, the anti-heroine of Fight Club’s masculine-focussed headfuck, and grew a bit obsessed with her complex character. And so Helena Bonham-Carter appears for the THIRD time on our Creepy Heroine list, this time as the misunderstood hot mess that is Marla. She inspires, disgust, and challenges the characters of Chuck Palahunik’s modern classic, makes the audience want to laugh and cry, and we love her to death for it. Can we hold her hand and watch the world fall apart too?

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 The Bride in Kill Bill

 ABI: Yet another Tarantino masterpiece. How many times have I been shouted at over the bar; 'Here love, you look like that bird off of Kill Bill' You know what? I’ll take that compliment. The Bride/Beatrix Kiddo/Black Mamba, is the ultimate Halloween dream of every blonde bobbed bird in the world. Please dear Beatrix; teach me your Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique. Or if not that; can I borrow the yellow jumpsuit for next week?

SPECIAL BONUS ROUND

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 Christine from Christine

 ABI: Special Bonus Round! Featuring Christine. Yes Christine is a possessed car from Stephen King’s novel, adapted into John Carpenter’s 1983 film. I remember one Halloween, my family and I turned off all the lights to deter the trick-or-treaters, made a tonne of popcorn and hibernated in the living room to watch this film. This freaky story of a possessed and possessive car, owned by young Arnie was the perfect antidote to the usual Halloween nonsense of teenage suburbia. Christine is a beautiful red and white 1958 Plymouth Fury. As the daughter of a classic car dealer, this was the most important factor of the film. Looking back on it now, it’s how totally awesome it is, that there is a possessed car called Christine, controlling a man!

Bonus Joint-Heroine Round

Patsy Stone from Absolutely Fabulous

This woman right here is our spirit animal, and here’s why!

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Abi: Ever since my mother sat me down in front of Ab Fab, aged 12 and named me Saffy for disapproving of her antics with her best friend, I’ve been addicted. As I’ve got older, I’ve come to realise; it’s all about Ms Patsy Stone! Aged 30 something for the last twenty years, hiding spliffs in her beehive and drinking bolly for breakfast, she’s the woman I wouldn’t mind growing up to be. Last year, I did dress up as Patsy for Halloween. I spent most of the evening crying into a bottle of Cava. It was fucking fabulous. Sweety.

 Phoebe: I was recently introduced to Ab Fab by Abi and it’s my new binge-watching fave. When I think of Patsy, I think of dirty-stop-out glamour and her no apologies approach to doing whatever the hell she wants. Sweety. Dahling. She’s completely despicable to poor Saffy, doesn’t understand what 7:30 in the morning means, and has never paid for anything in her life, dahling, but she’s a heroine for her unwavering loyalty to Eddie, her rock and roll queenliness and her creepy-yet-witty mean streak.

Go to www.facebook.com/heroinemagazine to follow what we’re getting up to,and tell us who your heroines are!

Suspiria

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This amazing movie combines two of my great loves: epic wall paper and the 1970’s.

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The film is set in a creepy ballet school, where maggots fall from the ceiling and the only pas de deux  anyone is practising is with Satan.

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Even the posters for the film are lovely, sparse and chilly images which play on the associations that we about ballet dancers;  as unearthly and somehow uncanny beings.

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So here it is you can watch the theatrical trailer: 

 

Or here for the full film: 

So go crazy kids,  it’s nearly Halloween, wrap up warm and treat yourselves to a horror movie marathon, just make sure you start with Suspiria. 

Tags: halloween

Final Girl Poem 5 : Amanda Young

In Amy Robert’s latest Final Girl instalment, we meet Amanda Young - sole survivor, turned assailant..

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We

don’t flinch at the prison
system, do we? We deny pleas of innocence
because we think no-one is innocent, deep
down. It’s only nature. There’s a cage
for everything – a trap. We punish
people for punishing others, we punish people for living,
we punish ourselves, sometimes. But it’s a high.
That exquisite
pain, that Russian roulette where every chamber
is loaded. That black pearl
entering my circulation and gift
wrapping my heart. That divine
little death – the only Love I would have died
for - a despicable
lover pounding Iambic
regular rhythms, perishing the flesh with love bites
of syringe.

I
never knew how to live
until I was forced to. That delicious
memento mori metal like how I imagine a gun to taste
right before you pull the trigger
that terror, like all of life condensed
into one moment. An ancient soup still canned, rusting
against my lips. A death claw embracing
the head like Mama
ssh baby, to sleep, but I had the will to keep myself,
with so many apologies
like a skip rope chant singing furious into my own death
camp. That moment
like so many love song choruses - You have the key
to my heart and I can’t live without
you.

That gutless
stranger, like so many one night stands, disposable -
just make me feel alive. A self-help
masterclass for the damned,
like Santa in a Death cloak leaving nothing
but me
to fill my own stockings (make yourself valuable)
all genius walks that fine line towards psycho
but him, my saviour,
tell him I’m thankful. I understand have found redemption, an atheist Christ
during resurrection.
Tell him I’m sorry, tell him I’ve changed
merciful freedom
in a Stockholm cage.

Good witchy reading

This is the best book to start with, although it might seem to be about Druids; it’s not.

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It’s a historical misinformation retrospective guide that shows how a very small idea (Druids) gets hijacked, extrapolated, and ridden about like a meagre hobby horse on Grand National day. There is little we actually know about Druids (in fact all original source material would fit on to about  4  A4 pages-  AND with fairly large type) and all of that was written by inveterate lairs and propagandists. Pliny, for instance might have written about the Druids but also wrote about the Blemmyis  a people of who had no heads and whose eyes and mouths were placed in the centre of their chests and the Monocoli people who had one leg and one huge foot which could be used as a sunshade in hot weather.  The book explores how the idea of  Druids has been mercilessly utilised; to bolster burgeoning Nations with a bit of ancient kudos, to preserve ancient monuments and to provide a reason for some private members clubs. 

The book is highly entertaining and gets off to a galloping start- however once you are about half way in; and yet another idiot is using the idea of Druids to fool other, more credulous people-  one gets the gist, and begins to succumb Druid fantasy enuui which erodes the joyous pleasure of reading. 

However-  the boredom is an important factor- because the book literally demonstrates the horrendous, continuum of the fabrications of history, and by the end you are beleaguered and disbelieving. Which is brilliant- because that’s exactly where you need to be. The book teaches us the importance of always looking at context, using original sources and looking for the agenda behind the reanimation of a particular idea. Which is why I’ve included it before the other books in this short recommendation of creepy witchy books.

So with that pinch of salt-and sceptical eyes, we’re ready to plunge into witchy bitchy reading for autumnal night. Gin not included. 

A History of the Witch Hunt in Early Modern Europe is one of my favourite books.

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It’s as factual as it can be, it contains interesting details about the intellectual and legal foundations of the witch hunt, and the impact that the reformation had on witch hunting. One of the  nicest thing about this book is the very low emotional temperature and scholarly tone. And the wonderful illustrations:

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if any one messes with me I’m going to give them eyes like protruding tomatoes. 

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Despite opening with a made for tv drama reconstruction of the start of a witch hunt, this book is actually rather good.

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and focuses on the trajectory of witch hunts in small German towns and villages such as Marchtal and Wurzburg. The author follows each hunt closely, while also exploring the effect of the reformation and counter reformation is Baroque Germany. The book also investigates the misogyny in Baroque Germany (such as the vile writing by Johann Fiischart)  that allowed the persecution of women to flourish. Although the book contains psychoanalyses of the witch hunt, (drawing of Jungian and Freudian teachings)  which can be rather irritating and hard to swallow; the witness accounts, illustrations and court records, make this a witchy book well worth a read.  And again this book has excellent illustrations:

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And this book; possibly the best book ever:

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If you are totally interested in the weird very close to magic witch craft goings-on that were a central part of Catholicism in the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries then this is the book for you. Or me. This book analyses beliefs and customs of the dying medieval Church (and belief system) as the Reformation tried to remove the magic from religion. At  nearly 1000 pages, and no illustrations this  amazing book is a  meaty and inspiring read, and always gives me a burning hunger to read more and know more. Which is why we read to start with right?

That’s it for my Halloween hot list. Always remember: read with scepticism- and watch out for my forthcoming essay about women and silence which I’ll be posting next month. 

Totally Gross Sculptures by Jessica Harrison

Feminist artist Jessica Harrison's gruesome take on the traditional porcelain figure are completely awesome and creepy.. guts, gashes and floral frilly dresses, perfect !

Totally getting some Halloween dressing up vibes from her work..

Spookiest NW Tour !

We love creeping around the North West, so today we’re gonna share some of the most bone-chilling places we know! Head down to dress up, have a gory picnic hangout or summon some demons.. Perfect !

Newsham Hospital, Liverpool

For sureeee the most terrifying place in the whole of the NW, head down to this abandoned orphanage-turned-hospital (as if just one of those things isn’t creepy enough by itself), and hunt out some of the long-dead residents who once roamed the hallways. Even if you can’t find any ghoulish entities, piles of rusty wheelchairs, hospital beds and unlocked morgue fridges are probably enough to scare the shit out of you for the rest of forever. 

Rowton Moor, Chester

Head down to Chester to check out the moors here - specifically on the 24th where you might be able to catch sight of civil war leader Bernard Stewart still hanging out on horseback, or chill to some of the creepy music several people have reported hearing here. Weeeeirdddd.

Hack Green Nuclear Bunker, Nantwich

Totally creepy even without the threat of malevolent spirits, this bunker is a throw back from the Cold War which lay dormant between 1966-76 - pleeeeanty of time to accumulate a horrifying atmosphere. If you’re into terrifying army spooks who stalk around the corridors, or holding seances with deceased soldiers - this is the place for you !

Old Trash, Formby

Honorary mention for the terrifying canine spectre known as Old Trash who haunts the shorelines of the Mersey. Head down on Halloween and you might find yourself confronted with the huge black dog and his giant luminous eyes - said to bring misfortune if laid upon you. Thanks a lot, Old Trash. 

Head down to our haunted hangouts this Halloween, and remember to send us any weird videos, horrifying images or gruesome stories from your visits ! 

Other people’s spooky times

What spooky stuff is washing up on the ragged shore of the October internet?

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This amazing collage from MollySoda http://mollysoda.tumblr.com/

These drawings from QOTT contributor Vanessahhhhhh  http://vanessahhhhhh.tumblr.com/

This website with witchy Samhain traditional info- especially how to make rosemary remembrance cookies http://www.moonsmuses.com/samhaintraditions.html

 

I might expire with desire unless someone who can actually bake makes me this coffin cake http://www.wingitvegan.com/2010/10/request-granted-halloweegan-coffin-cake.html cos all I can make are very strong gin cocktails- so maybe we can trade? 

and  more vegan creepy treats http://www.theveganwoman.com/top-10-vegan-halloween-recipes-and-treats/

There tasty freaky October treats. 

Final Girl Poem 4: Sally Hardesty

In her fourth venture of the Final Girl series, Amy Roberts looks to Texas Chainsaw Masacre’s Sally Hardesty, hysterically alive.

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Sally Hardesty

Dedicated to Marilyn Burns

People

don’t believe me when I tell them about evil

and I say, It’s just a human

without

its mask. Nervous

laugh. Or they squeeze

my hand - Sally, honey

not everyone

is like that. The World

is a farmyard now - a tannery, a slaughterhouse

that smell of cooked flesh

and burnt skin, of blood and faeces

swilling

about floors and emptying into soil. I can never remove

that scent from my nose. Christ

knows, family gatherings are awkward now – Just try a bite

of this chicken, this beef, this pork -

before I balk, cackling

at a lampshade without a face.

Dead

things are everywhere. Sometimes I stand howling

hysterical, like how I imagine a wolf

to laugh. Spit

and tears drooling

off the face as a line of carcass

swings bloodless from meat

hooks in shop windows, trotters waving at me through the pane, headless

but squealing

like humans squeal. I’ve heard it and hear it again /

again; a form of tinnitus, the murder

chorus shrieking

something callous, a songbird detuned to a glass half smashed,

I never fought back. Was home-

coming, was jock, was sprinting for survival

an attack

of resilience – but you can never return

at least not to yourself

and my blood still burns

like battery acid

leaking from an expired cell

veins weeping

to laughter with buzz saw barking

like the motor which maintains Hell

the devil’s heartbeat

purring

through jaws on that fucking

saw, until the final refrain of that Leatherface tango that desperate

pirouette

a final courtesy

splitting air, and I’m there roaring

in the back of a truck

thinking I could die

of laughter, right now, side splitting

punchline

instead of an epitaph

sometimes all you can do is laugh.

Secret Agent Loves Your Body Like Pantyhose

Another amazing poem from Tammara Lindsay for us today. Slimey, pastelly and creepy ! 

I specialise in turning you on with the plastic latex blend of my paper cut attitude.
I’m rubbing you in your sticky places, behind closed bathroom doors.
I collect body parts. My own thighs are sexy like sunglasses.
Did you feel me breathing down the jelly rolls of your neck at the doctor’s office?
It was around page 96. I’ve created a pastel labyrinth of supposed-to-be-you;
I stand in the funhouse mirror and bend with your conscience. This kind of attraction
Is mysterious like personality quizzes.

My identity is as variable as shoes. I know you at most angles.
Yet you haven’t met me yet. We’ve been introduced too many times to count.
You always dig me and plan to wear clean underwear, to razor burn
and stain your way back to sexy. I never tell you that sexy is my job;
ambiguity is a hot whisper biting through your earlobe.

Every once in a while some chick tries to intervene: a manila envelope in your mailbox,
Shaky voices streaming down insecure phone lines, slight of hand at the checkout,
As your thumbs stimulate one of my eloquent spines.
Intervention dissipates like crushes; there’s no advice for love like ours.

When we part sometimes I feel vulnerable, so I wear my leather and motorcycle
Boots, shades. I blink like a Tom Cruise character and make an effort to write it all down.
It feels like pretending to have a broken heart. I’ve always written
about how beautiful you could have been, though I do like to experiment
with tone and style. I’ve been doing interesting things with the subject; my pages
are like camera angles. I’m trying to get all of you in, wax and the hair
on your lip. I consider the skin on your kuckle and the bones of your ankle
for forthcoming projects, but I like toying with the slack mouth
of your bellybutton most.